Redundant

I remember being made redundant from a job was in. There were too many admin staff. I’d been there longest but the other girl was shagging the boss's son. I was upset and angry about being foisted from a job I loved but crucially I was offered redeployment, which I accepted and ended up in a completely different department doing a different but equally as fulfilling job (and I didn't have to have any contact with the ex boss or his future daughter in law so that was all good).

This time it's different. For the past 7 years I've done the best job I've ever had. It's been the most challenging 24-7 exhausting job but I've loved every minute. Being a stay-at-home mum.

Now 9am - 3pm I am being made redundant. Both my babies will be in school and I'm surplus to requirements. There's been no offers of redeployment. It is terrifying. I don't want to be alone all day, I'll miss the constant inane chatter a preschooler brings. I'll miss the companionship, the crafts, the playdates, the park trips, the times sat reading, the den building, the playgroups, covering the lounge in toys, the baking... I'm crying even thinking about all that's being taken from me.

While I'm thrilled and proud I've managed to raise two clever, funny human beings through infancy I'm also lost, wishing time could stand still just for a bit longer.

 So now, staring at the screen I'm pondering the big world ahead. Wondering how the heck I'll get back into working life after 7 years away. Wondering if I even want to. But first there's the matter of this dump of a house. Tidying it should take me until Christmas at least. Maybe I'll have a better plan by then. But for now, pass me the tissues. My baby starts school next week and there will be tears.