A Guest Post

One of the reasons I set up this blog was to talk about things that aren't normally comfortable talking points and help them to become less uncomfortable topics of conversation. When my good friend Rebecca contacted me to say it is coming up to Baby Loss Awareness Week (9th-15th October) and she had written something about her experience she would like to put on my blog I, of course, said yes. If you are in need of support the charity SANDS is a useful starting point.

Two Rainbows In Three Children

By Rebecca Willis

I have experienced five pregnancies, but I only have three children.  Two of my pregnancies ended in miscarriage around the 8 week mark.

Even though it was 11 years ago, I still remember my first miscarriage.  I remember how I felt when it started (I was at work), how it felt to lose my child and not be able to do anything to stop it.  I remember the despair, the grief and the pain, both physical and emotional. I remember being sat at home as my sister tried to comfort me and being unable to form words through my tears. I remember returning to work, my attempt to take my mind off things, and just sitting at my desk in tears.  6 weeks later I got pregnant with my eldest child.

Fast-forward 7 years and there I was again, 8 weeks pregnant and in the process of losing my child.  I was on a train going home when it started. I sat there, knowing it was happening, trying not to cry so I didn’t draw attention to myself.  When I got to my car I had to deal with the bleeding that had started, relieved that it was winter and dark so I could hide my desperate attempt to fit a sanitary towel, calling my husband in tears to let him know, trying to muster up the courage to drive home and try not to crash on the way.  When I saw the midwives at the EPAU (Early Pregnancy Assessment Unit) two days later (the first appointment I could get) I knew my child was gone. Their procedure was every time I went to the toilet while I was there, I had to do it in one of their bowls so they could check the contents. Once they had confirmed I was losing tissue from the pregnancy I had to sign a document to say I was happy for them to cremate it as part of a sort of funeral service.  Thankfully, this was not a funeral I was supposed to attend. A year later I got pregnant with my youngest child.

No matter how many years has passed, a woman never forgets a miscarriage.  She never forgets how it felt to lose her child, she never forgets the emotional and physical pain, she never forgets the thoughts of what could have been.  

We have three wonderful children who fill our lives with joy, noise and laughter, but I will never forget the two that could have been.  I will always be wondering what they would have looked like, what personalities they might have had, what they would do with their life, why we never got a chance to meet them.

Miscarriage cannot be cured unless we start making “designer” babies although even then a full term pregnancy is not guaranteed.  In most cases there is no diagnosis to explain why a miscarriage occurs, which in a big way makes it harder for the women who experience it to understand.

Miscarriage is something that needs to be talked about, but for some reason is considered taboo.  That being said, the taboo is slowly being broken, people are starting to talk about it, but the progress is slow... too slow.