MLM Madness

MLM? What's that I hear you cry? 

MLM stands for multi-level marketing which is like a pyramid selling scheme but for legal reasons is definitely not a pyramid scheme despite the fact it operates in pretty much the same way as a pyramid scheme. The only difference is rather than it offer you a promise of profit if you recruit people, it gives you physical products to sell with the promise of more profit if you recruit people to also sell said products. See the difference? It's very subtle.

But how do they work?

They're usually easy to spot as they're selling products that are too good to be true. Want to be thin? Want a new you? Detox? Beauty products you've never heard of? Perfume that smells like Jean Paul Gaultier but isn't quite as expensive? This is for you! 

The premise is you sign up for a package of products to market.  You can host parties, sell from the catalogue or harass your friends into buying. If you're lucky they'll buy your stuff. If you're really lucky they'll want to sell too and you'll end up with commission on your products and theirs too. They'll then do the same and the whole chain continues until you're holidaying in the Bahamas and buying a Bugatti*

*actual results may vary

How does the MLM thing work?

The first tell tale sign of an MLM is a friend request via Facebook from a friend of a friend, or a mum at the school gates you've smiled at once, or a friend you were pretty sure hated you at school. They'll like everything you post for about a week then send you an invite to their group. 

These include but are not limited to:

• Bodyshop at home
• Herbal life
• FM cosmetics
• Forever Living
• Oriflame
• Younique
• Juice Plus

You'll have heard of around 15% of these and be interested in around 0.1%. In reality the only MLM you're remotely interested in is Ann Summers because you went to a party once and had a right laugh and could really do with a new vibrator but noone seems to do it anymore and you feel like you're probably too old to put out any enquiries.

You'll be directed to their pages where you'll be told how much better your life could be if you just eat this tablet filled with dried fruit mush three times a day instead of eating actual food. 

You'll learn that your liver and kidneys are not enough to detox you and instead you need this new diet which involves replacing at least two meals a day with a rather dubious looking green milkshake.

You'll be shown a wonderful lifestyle you could have if you bought a new candle or wax melt (apparently these are not the same thing). If your house doesn't smell of cinnamon buns and sweet summer meadows you are a failure.

You'll be told you need wrinkle cream, toner, concealer, contouring cream and extra super extreme lash length mascara all containing hyaluronic acid which is not a thing you ever remember from GCSE Chemistry but is now vitally important if you want anyone to love you, ever.

There's a theme here and that theme is that they all work by tapping into a woman's insecurities and exploiting them.

Women?

Yes women. They are marketed for women and they rely on women to promote them. They're particularly attractive business models for stay at home mums as they promote themselves as flexible. You'll see people sharing them as "the perfect opportunity to work around your kids."

We live in a world where mums want to stay home with their kids but they can't afford to so they try MLMs in desperation to be able to.

The more people you encourage to sell for you the more impressive a made up title you'll get (Karen's just been promoted to Gold Level Mentor you know)! And crucially the more impressive the title the higher percentage commission you earn.

So what's the drawback?

They sound great but as with all pyramid style selling schemes only those that get in early make lots of money. 

Often to set up there's a package of products to buy for a fee. If you're lucky you'll sell these and make a tiny bit of money. If not you can be stuck with products you don't necessarily want or need. So if you are considering an MLM make sure it's a product you actually like so you're not stuck with 500 litres of knock off Paul Smith fragrances.

Another drawback is that if you push your MLM too much your friends will start to resent you. Noone wants a facebook timeline filled with bodyshop banana shampoo adverts. Similarly you don't want to be the one turning up to every event with a catalogue of products to harass everyone with. You'll find yourself muted and avoided and quite frankly you'll only have yourself (and your gold level mentor) to blame.

In summary: MLMs are a big con. Now if you'll excuse me I'm off to browse the Ann Summers website.