Louise, The Dogs And The Words

I remember being made redundant from a job was in. There were too many admin staff. I’d been there longest but the other girl was shagging the boss's son. I was upset and angry about being foisted from a job I loved but crucially I was offered redeployment, which I accepted and ended up in a completely different department doing a different but equally as fulfilling job (and I didn't have to have any contact with the ex boss or his future daughter in law so that was all good). This time it's different. For the past 7 years I've done the best job I've ever had. It's been the most challenging 24-7 exhausting job but I've loved every minute. Being a stay-at-home mum. Now 9am - 3pm I am being made redundant. Both my babies will be in school and I'm surplus to requirements. There's been no offers of redeployment. It is terrifying. I don't want to be alone all day, I'll miss the constant inane chatter a preschooler brings. I'll miss the co...

The problem with being a worrier is you worry about everything. Even if it hasn't even happened yet, or it likely won't happen, or it's so improbable that it has only happened to one other person in the history of everything, ever. I am a worrier. I'm a supreme worrier. I'd go so far as saying if there was an Olympic event in it I would win the gold medal. Except I wouldn't as I'd never actually make the event as I'd worry myself into such a state I'd be too busy vomiting to make it. The irony is under actual pressure I perform quite well. Take my recent holiday as a prime example. I worried myself into a bit of a state before I went as I had a cold and obviously, in my head, if I got any worse Simon would just dump me by the roadside like an abandoned dog instead of googling the nearest pharmacy. So snotty and anxiously we headed off, until on the motorway the car started juddering, cue a tyre very rapidly running out of air. Without thinking I ...

It's bathtime for the children. In an unusual turn of events I have no washing to put away. Instead I've had 15 minutes (minus the odd break to tell them off for splashing water all over the place) to write. Today my mind went all Edward Lear on me... Wikitata Far beyond the horizon Over land and sea Is the land of Wikitata The strangest place you'll see Where palm trees sway But they're purple and grey And the sand is a luminous green And way up high By the clouds in the sky Lives the Island Queen In a magnificent throne She sees all that she owns She looks after it with great care From the tiniest plant To the Ursus Giant A most truly terrifying bear There's the pink spotted seagull The six-toed blue eagle And the shiny glitter-hooved horse The sabre-toothed frog And the insectivorous dog Which eats only ants of course This royal protector Will come down to get you If you threaten her magical land So leave not a mark On the ground or...

I have two dogs. Finn is a bull lurcher. This means he's a greyhound crossed with a Staffordshire Bull terrier and possibly a few other things. He's got all the best traits of both breeds meaning he's fast and strong but also gentle, playful and very soft natured. He's so very good with the children and he loves meeting other dogs. We got Finn as a puppy, we had just lost our Saluki Lurcher Dudley and were heartbroken so we headed to TIA Rescue as we knew they had puppies. This stripey gorgeous puppy bounded out and started ragging the tassels on my daughter's coat. We fell instantly in love with him. He was a dream dog, house training relatively quickly and brilliant with the kids. He was fantastic. Until I left him alone. It started off with ripping up his puppy pads but as he grew and he started teething he began systematically wrecking my house, focusing most of his attention on my kitchen door. We tried caging, he escaped. I left the radio on, it made ...

I have a love/hate relationship with my sinuses, they work well 85% of the time. It's the 15% of the time I could quite happily swap them for something else. Gills maybe, they look fun.   Today my sinuses have decided to hate me. Something has irritated me and it feels like my cheeks are going to explode. It makes me grumpy and sad. Sinuses Oh no! Oh dear. How can this be? Such painful Nasal cavities Throbbing hard Beneath my eyes I want to shout I want to cry Blocked up ears And pounding head I think I'll go Straight back to bed

It's been a week of day trips, picnics, walks, camping, blackberry picking, firewood gathering and apple picking. As a result my writing time has been severely diminished. Instead I've filled my spare moments with other creative things, crocheting and cooking mainly. Today we made a fantastic blackberry crumble. I can't help but find something extremely satisfying about gathering food myself and cooking it. Not just because it's free but the whole process of being a hunter gatherer! I now need to decide what to do with a bag full of apples we collected from trees in the nearby woods. The youngest says cake. The eldest likes crumble. Looks like we're going to have to make sure we've got enough for both to avoid another ridiculous argument! I'm hoping my brain will give me some more poetry soon but right now it's frazzled from school holidays! Hope you're having a fantastic summer and if you've got any good blackberry or apple recipes feel f...

Although I'm pretty sure I'm speaking English the kids are hearing Greek and they don't understand a bloody word The dictionary my kids have is a different version to mine. In theirs “tidy up” means vacate current room and begin destruction of next room until no room remains untouched Bedtime is now a general suggestion rather than a timetabled event My kids play lovely together. Or want to murder each other. There is no middle ground. Keeping them out of the house is the only way to keep it tidy.  Being out of the house is just as stressful as being in the house but in completely different ways. My children would go 6 weeks without bathing if I let them. The same goes for hair brushing. The phrases “I'm bored” and “Muuuuuuuuum” could be used on repeat to torture prisoners of war.  Kids talk bollocks. Constantly. Their favourite topic of conversation is poo. Youtubers with annoying American accents who make kids gaming videos should be strung up by the ba...

For me one of best things about being on holiday is being unable to access the Internet. I've found scrolling on Facebook and pointless Google searches seem to waste most of my time. As a result whenever I'm away I'm completely disconnected from the Internet and more connected to the actual world. While I have a Smartphone I'm on pay as you go so once my data is gone that's it. I turn it off and save my credit for texts and calls - when I'm out of the house I am offline. It's a little scary to look round and see others obsessed with their phones, even in beautiful places where they should be looking round at the wonder of the world. I feel bad for all the time I spend looking at a screen instead of actual real life things. I also notice it in soft play places with my kids. I'm the one not checking their phone but instead interacting with my kids, not, I must add, because I'm a preachy better than everyone parent but because I'm too skint...