Louise, The Dogs And The Words

Hi Readers Something you might not know about me is I'm a 100% genuine trained psychic. I trained at the Keighley Mysterious School Of Magic And Psychicness which is definitely a real place and not somewhere I've just made up.  With that in mind here are the horoscopes for the week ahead. Love and psychic kisses, y our friend Mystic Louise x Aries:  March 21 – April 19 The squirrel you believe has been eyeing you up will finally make its move today. Watch your nuts. Taurus:  April 20 – May 20 Be wary round cacti this week. They are spiky little bastards and they're out to get you. Gemini:  May 21 – June 20 All your dreams will come true this week. So you'd best hope you don't have the one about being naked in the exam room again. Cancer:  June 21 – July 22 A good looking stranger will cross your path this week. They'll also make you cross. And be wearing a cross. And be eating cress. Leo:  July 23 – August 22 The song "Remember Yo...

I've been going to the same dentist since I was a child. Recently I learned that the practice has been bought out. My dentist is still the same one but the name has changed and the building has been renovated. Here's my diary of today's visit (because writing distracts me from dental anxiety)! 10.25am - I arrive outside the dentist after one embarrassingly unsuccessful attempt to reverse park. I check the clock. I am 25 minutes early as per usual. I get out my phone and mess about with some apps then decide to write a poem. I'm early for the dentist I'm sat here in my car Panicking about the plaque And all of the tartar That may very well be building Up around my gums I really hate the dentist Why do I have to come? I hope my teeth are ok And I don't need a filling Or something worse which may involve Far more extravagant billing I'm going to go in now And wait inside the place I'll meet you at the other side Hopefu...

My youngest is now nearing the end of her first school year. By now I had expected to have both thoroughly cleaned and sorted my house and got a job. I have achieved neither. Not from lack of trying (at least with the tidying of the house) it's just every time I try the kids come home and destroy my hard work. Although to be fair I need to be more ruthless and actually chuck out some of the vast quantities of toys the children have amassed. However I'm forever being reminded that plastic kills dolphins so by that logic by not tidying my house I'm actually saving marine life. Go me! Getting a job has also proved challenging. An eight year career break poses problems. Firstly I have a pathological hatred of filling in forms, cv days were much easier, the forms are never straightforward copy and paste affairs and they end up taking longer than any interview is likely to last. Secondly, and most importantly, I am crap at interviews, I clam up and talk absolute gibberis...

Welcome to this facebook group Now we've let you in Make sure you read the rules Hi we are the admin This group is for local things For our community only Nothing from another place I'm talking about you Tony! Abuse will not be tolerated Keep it nice and light Fun stuff only if you don't mind None of that political shite So you scroll down to read the news Is something fun going on? This will be so nice you thought Boy… were you so wrong... There's dog shit on my street again! Someone's nicked my bin! They've parked across my drive again How will I get in? There's sheep wondering across the road! Is this your peacock? New business opened in the village Come see our brand new stock Sorry I didn't realise Adverts were only on a set day Admin remove if not allowed Need a plumber asap will pay I really need my lashes done Also who can do my nails? Cash for scrap metal I also take cars and ...

I remember when the internet first came out. Yes. I'm that old. I remember hearing the tuneless, soulless beeps of a dial-up modem for the first time and being excited, then hearing it connect. That's it! I'm online. Now what? It was sold as a wonderful thing, as if every encyclopaedia ever was suddenly at your fingertips. It was initially underwhelming,if you had no reason to be online you would just twiddle your thumbs randomly looking for things, but not with Google because Google was not a thing yet. You would Ask Jeeves or more likely Lycos because you liked dogs and that was their logo. It was a new way of connecting to people. Oh how I loved the now defunct Microsoft messenger. It was wondrous. Instant chat with friends in an age where many of us had only just stopped using rotary phones. We believed thee future was amazing, we had the knowledge and the power. With all the information surely the only way for the human race is up? And yet here we are twe...

Staring through the window Turquoise sky Briefly peeking through the clouds A brief glimpse Of a summer So far unseen

The family of rabbits gambolled freely in the field unaware a furry assassin was lurking. Ears pricked, on alert she stood, waiting and hoping for the signal from her master to catch and retrieve one of those tasty, furry toys.